Okay. Im a coward. I dun to dare to post it on fb bt I really need to vent out things. I cant think properly now. Headache now. Seriously I feel lik crying. I really really cant take it. I kept thinking bout the past, thinking bout these few wks. I feel so noob, I feel so weak now. Seriously no mood to do anything. Argh~~~ I noe I kept saying bt I really miss him terribly :( Okay. Now I found out tat he actually wished me bday 2 yrs ago. De thing is tat I didnt did de same on his bday. Okay tis doesnt sound lik a big thing bt it actually mean so damn much to me. 2 yrs. 2 yrs onli. Actually not a long period. I can initiate a convo wif him. Simple as tat n why de hell I cant do it?!?!?!?!?! HAIZ!! So did our lost in contact started by me or him. Izzit me tat start tis entire awful journey im facing now? Izzit me hu start ignoring him or him hu tries hard to cut off any ties from me. He's lik drug to me. I cant gt near him, even anything related to him. I'll literally go crazy n cant gt myself out of tis agony situation (lik wat im facing right now) Headache now. Gotta slp soon. Stop thinking too much n go to slp!! I hope... i hope...
i am who i am
1:18 AM
* Saturday, June 1, 2013 *
Okay. My stupid boss asked me bout my studies. Wanna siam also cant already. So I kinda told her everything.lols I told her I'll be giving her de resignation letter in early aug period. I even tell her bout I took part time studies at sim. Tsk tsk such a bitch!! So sort of cfm le loh bt I dunno whether I'll regret or not. Life wont be the same anymore. Anyways I cant be leading the same life for the next 5 - 10 yrs mah. I need a change in life. Be in good or bad, regret or not, I need a change! Haha Hygiene meeting is coming. N stupid v n wk (wayang king) sometimes still making fun of it. Seriously I dun see any FUN or ENTERTAINING talking bout it. They are jus digging my jus-heeled injury. Childish seriously childish! As I was saying jus now, hygiene meeting is coming. De thing is tat im de secretary. Oh crap! Hu wan history to repeat itself wen de history is bad enough. Pls pls pls pls pls jus let me finish de damn meeting minutes n pass it to the next secretary. I'll be so damn relieved after tat. Nth to do at home so decided to browse thru the cake recipes n decided to bake orange butter cupcakes. Hahaha I love to bake! Lols I was worried the cupcake will turn out horribly bt it turned out fine! Hehe gt the desired arom n texture as desired. Woohoo!! Contented much! Hehehe :) shall bring some to office on mon :) Hahaha I still hav the urge to go henderson waves. Yeah im still thinking bout him, frequently. Lols wanna go henderson waves jus to relax lah. Seriously there de night view really not bad de. De atmosphere also not bad de lah. Hahaha partly coz I long long time nv go there le. Hahaha I emo went off slightly le. I hope it gt better as time goes by ( slowly I noe). I gt an impulse! I wanna contact him! I cant take it anymore! I miss him soooooo much. I wanna talk to him agn, understand him agn, spend time wif him agn. Mayb jus a little push from my frends n myself, I'll be able to do it! Hahaha sae is always easier lahhh I dun dare. I dun dare to initiate the talk. Im scared. Im scared tat he think he will kena trouble by me agn wen he didnt do anything wrong. Im scared he will reply coldly. Im scared of the direct rejection. Im scared I cant face n accept de ugly truth. Argh!!!!! Damn it! Dun wan to think lah. Make me so damn tired these few days thinking bout him. These few days turned super emo wen tot of him. Actually I quite looking forward to jx coming back from Brunei. He's coming back on tis coming July. I miss j5y meet ups. Faster come back lah. Although always scold, pick up on u bt without u or anyone in j5y, it'll be different. So wanting to travel overseas wif j5y n poly mates lah. Go whr also can (overseas better lah coz nv try before ma. Hahaha) as long as we stay tgt :D Gonna watch those beloved shows. Gonna enjoy before sucky things happen. Tataa!! Xoxo :D
