Okay. I miss him. I miss him terriblyyyyyy. HAIZ! Went navy open hse on 18/05/13. It was fun, tiring n I threw some or a tiny tantrum at sh I was fed up due to tired lah. Kkz 1 of the main thing. I saw him!! Before going to the navy open hse I was hoping to see him. N I really did saw him!!!!! He was wif his family (grateful for me wen he wasnt wif any gal or his gf. I dunno or watever lahhh) Okay. I was not exaggerating. I was so tired before I saw him.i told sh lets go other places, lik another part of the open hse. Until until I saw him in the opp direction we were heading!! Immediately we u-turned (forcefully demanded by me) hahaha. We were lik stalking him. I really wanna see him. At tat moment, I didnt even think of approaching him to sae hi or whatsoever. I jus wanted to look at him from far. We followed him for a couple of min from a dist (meanwhile sh kept saying she wanna go help me approach him. Lol) until I force myself to stop following him and walked our own way. At the moment wen I saw him, seriously my mind turned blank! I jus wan to hav few more looks of him n tats enough. Bt bt bt bt bt I dun hav de guts the courage to approach him or even wave at him. I was even hoping he didnt see me at all. We walked our own way n sh wanna take photo wif mascots. N yeah, he's v near us. I was wearing she's shades (thinking he wont recognize me coz im wearing shades). Okay I took photo wif de mascot too. He was still there, near us, a dist I can cfm he can spot me. I struggled abit thinking whether to take off the shades or not. Coz he was so near n he surely spot me if I took off de shades. Kkz I took off the shades n took photo wif 1 of the mascot. I knew it!! I knew he wont approach me n whatsoever. I knew it!! Kkz nvm after tat we went the other sides of the open hse. I hav to sae im pretty impressed by all the navy ppl ( I dunno de proper name for it) salute them! N the vessels too. Damn big n complicated? Numerous n countless of woah!! Woo!! jus came out from me. Im seriously pretty impressed. Thx sh for asking me for to the navy open hse. I've gained alot n sry agn for the tantrum thrown at u :( Navy open hse was definitely an open eyed experience for me :) Few days past. Those normal working days agn. Thurs (23/05/13) Passed some things to fishy bx. After tat wanna hav dinner at toastbox. Hy saw me (hahaha seriously purely coincidence!) n she somehow pei me for dinner. We chatted throughout my dinner even after went back home tat time. We literally stand at the traffic light near my hse n continue our chat. Least expected hy will tell me, share wif me bout de guy tat bothered her for a long time. I told her bout him too. I told hy alot bout him. While talking bout him, my brain auto triggered almost 90% of the memories I still rmb bout him (actually I rmb really alot alot. De good n de bad memories bout us) After tat super loooooooong chat, I naturally think of him, even more. 24/05/13 Went clubbing wif huiwen, kayson, liyun and hy. Guess wat!? I saw a guy lik him. Not looks lah. Its de feeling. So almost throughout de night, I was looking at him quite frequently actually. Hahaha 27/05/13 Had night round. Blah blah blah. Do those normal crap work. We needa walked thru tis pavement wif tis slight slope. My colleague ask me to be careful wif the steps coz is late night n dark too. Kkz I gt slight night blindness. I was careful wif de steps so everything was okay lah The main thing - at tat v moment, I tot of him ( ya I noe, again!!) I recalled we went to Henderson waves to chat ( he initiated it. Bt I noe at tat time, it will be the last time we will be tat close agn. N sadly, it was true. My heart ached wen I typed tis). We left Henderson waves quite late. I think 1 or 2+am. We need to walk down de long flight of stairs to go home. He offered me to hold to wrist or hand. Initially I jus grabbed his sleeves ( he was wearing jacket lahh n i dun even dare to touch him lah.)then he sae to hold onto his hand or wrist ( safer I guess) kkz I hold onto my wrist n he guided me all the way down to the ground n send me home. Tats de part!! Wen went back home from night round, I gt soooo emo n posted " same same bt different. I regretted. Deeply! :( " Yes! I regretted it! All because the things I did, the stupid things I've done. If it wasnt my stupidity, things might be the same. Or at least I still gt to contact wif u (or not. I dunno lah). If it wasnt me doing all de stupid things, things wont be so bad n I wont be suffering right now. Yaya. Alot my frends asked me to move on. I've tried! It's difficult! Throughout these yrs, I didnt see any guy I noe better than him. I told my frends de person I wan is him. My frends told me there are other trees out there n someone else will create better memories wif me. Bt I replied saying I wanted de someone to be him. These few days I've been thinking soooooo much. It brings myself down too. I always encourage my frends to try. Never try never noe mah. Bt wen comes to myself, I dun dare. I really dun hav de courage to at least try. Mayb coz I noe ( or im scared) he will turned coldly to me, reject me completely. I cant think positively. I cant. I noe, mayb subconsciously I noe tat he's avoiding me, dun wan to gt in touch wif me. After the navy open hse, I noe he wanna totally cut off any relations from me. I noe! I onli bring trouble to him. I dun wan to disturb him from his peaceful life anymore. I really dun wan. I jus wanna secretly look at him from far. Tats jus all I wished for. Mayb till he gt a gf, I'll completely stop n finally move on? Mayb. I typed alot. Tis is onli part of it. Too tired to writ more. Anyways tis blog is onli for me to view. ( or some other ppl hu still rmb I gt a blog or mayb... Impossible lahhh tis type of thing wont happen to me de :) ) Almost 2am in the morning. Needa slp n think lesser. Tml then continue. Hahaha. Nitez :)
